Identity Crisis
by Kalachuchi
Summary: /SasuNaru/ For the record, Uchiha Sasuke is not gay. Now if only he could stop his racing hormones whenever Naruto’s around, then convincing himself he’s straight would be so much easier. /for catharticdeficit/


**DISCLAIMER: **I do not own Naruto. T__T

**WARNING:** AU. YAOI SasuNaru (don't like, don't read - you've been warned so don't go around whining that boy/boy is not nice!). And an **inDenial!Pervert!Sasuke**, simply because he deserves to suffer every once in a while. In fact, let's torture him some more after this. Rated for language and themes.

**DEDICATION:** To the most wonderful beta in the entire fanfic world (ahem), **catharticdeficit**. This long overdue story is all your fault… and if I change OTP, I think that would be your fault too. :P But, heh, for my first yaoi, I actually had fun writing this (ahem again).

Sept. 2009: Beta'ed by the gorgeous **Dazed Dreamer ** =D

**SUMMARY:** For the record, Uchiha Sasuke is not gay. Now if only he could stop his racing hormones whenever Naruto's around, then convincing himself he's straight would be so much easier.

* * *

**IDENTITY CRISIS**

By Kalachuchi

* * *

All stories, as they say, have a beginning. This one was no different. In Sasuke's case, everything started that fateful night two months, three weeks, four days and sixteen hours ago. (Although in retrospect, Sasuke should have realized that it started way, _way_ long before the aforementioned time - ever since he decided to indulge in that idiot's friendship. But like they say, there's no stronger power than denial.)

It was a fairly normal night, which was why Sasuke still couldn't understand why all those things happened. Or rather, why those thoughts suddenly entered his mind. The rain was pouring heavily outside his apartment, and he was stuck inside, sitting behind his desk that was situated in front of the electric fireplace, a steaming mug of coffee on his hands. On his table was his open suitcase, full of important documents, and he was currently reading a contract that he was supposed to sign.

Being the next in line to manage the Uchiha Corporation, the responsibility to successfully continue with the family business fell on his shoulder. So even though he was still in college and taking Business Management, he was already involved in every detail and each transaction that their company was currently taking. This, however, didn't give him any time to relax; he had never felt more busy and tired in his whole life. He sighed and lifted his mug, quietly taking a sip of his coffee, before his gaze fell on the stack of documents in his suitcase, all waiting to be read and signed.

Of course, it was times like these that had Sasuke blaming his older brother. It should be Itachi doing all these things, not him. But Itachi, refusing to handle the family Empire, had jumped on a flight to somewhere in the Africa region and there, he helped his childhood friend Hidan and became a missionary. In the past year, they had already converted twelve villages, a group of terrorists, three porn stars, their manager, and a prison full of hard-hearted convicts.

Sometimes, Sasuke couldn't help but wonder if he should do an Itachi and jump on a flight to Africa. But then again, Sasuke had never been a good boy scout, and he doubted he could stay long in an insect-infested forest, just to give sermon to people he had never met before; so following Itachi's footsteps was out of the question. Besides, being a devotee of their religion required celibacy, and like hell Sasuke could stay alive without _that_ for long.

(Sasuke and his friends actually have a running bet on how long before Itachi cracked from the lack of female interaction. Or male. Beggars can't be choosers, after all. Sasuke had five thousand – the amount of his entire school savings - on his brother lasting two years and six months. Hopefully, Itachi could still last for the next five months; then Sasuke would be a few thousands richer.)

But anyway.

As previously stated, it was a fairly normal night and Sasuke was reading the papers he was supposed to be reading, when all of a sudden, the sound of a loud tapping noise broke the silence in the room. Sasuke immediately turned around, his heart beating fast.

Drats. He should have checked the windows before he started working. Did he lock the doors? Was the security camera working? No, wait. Were the lasers in his room even turned on? Sasuke cautiously walked towards the kitchen where the sound had come from, clutching a pepper spray tightly. And then, he blinked.

A familiar grinning face was pressed on the wet glass window, waving one hand at him while the other held on tightly at the window's railing. Sasuke muttered a curse and quickly stomped over towards it, pulling the window open.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Sasuke demanded, ignoring the chilly air the heavy rain had brought inside. "Were you trying to scare me half to death?"

Naruto grinned. "Sorry. I just couldn't resist. You should have seen your face!" He snickered. "You looked stupid."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow and shook the pepper spray dangerously. "Could you repeat that again?" he asked calmly.

Naruto eyed the spray. "That's unfair. I don't have anything with me." He pouted.

"Tch. Sucks to be you, then." Sasuke paused, squinting at the drenched Naruto. "Where the hell did you come from?"

"I climbed up. Didn't want to ruin your oh-so-precious rug on the front door that Itachi sent you last month."

"You climbed up?" Pause. "Naruto, you do realize that I'm living on the tenth floor?"

"Really? Didn't notice." Naruto blinked at him. "So. Are you going to invite me inside?"

Sasuke crossed his arms. "You're _wet_."

"I know."

"You can't come in."

Naruto's eyes widened. "But it's raining!" he protested wildly, flailing his hands around, causing droplets of water to fall on Sasuke's shirt. "You can't let me stay out here!"

"You should have thought of that before rushing out on a night like this," Sasuke retorted, grimacing as he pulled his wet shirt away from his body.

"But I wanted to see you," Naruto whined.

Sasuke paused, frowning at him. "What?"

"You've been so busy this past week that we haven't even talked. I figured I might as well visit you tonight." Naruto frowned. "Can I get inside now?"

"No." Sasuke crossed his arms again. "Haven't you heard of telephones? Or maybe e-mail? If you simply want to talk, you should have---"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Like I said, Sasuke, I wanted to _see_ you." He adjusted his grip on the railing and glared at him. "My hands are getting numb, bastard."

"Your fault, not mine." Sasuke watched in amusement as Naruto struggled to maintain his balance. What kind of person would climb up an apartment building, anyway?

"You know," Naruto began as he glanced downward, "I just realized that you _are_ living on the tenth floor. It looks pretty high up from here."

It was Sasuke's turn to roll his eyes. He walked to the corner and grabbed a clean rag, dumping it on Naruto's head. "Here. Get inside and dry yourself." He turned around and sighed. "Idiot."

"Hey," Naruto objected as he crawled through the window and stepped inside the kitchen. He began patting himself dry. "I heard that."

"That's good," Sasuke said wryly as he walked towards his bedroom. He opened his closet and grabbed the nearest shirt and pants. He glanced at the pile of documents he still needed to read and frowned, knowing that since Naruto arrived, he wasn't going to accomplish anything tonight.

Stupid idiot.

Sasuke's frown deepened further when he stepped back to the kitchen and found Naruto missing from the spot that he had left him. He dropped the clothes he brought on the table and turned around in time to see Naruto opening his fridge and excitedly grabbing snacks from inside.

"Naruto," he snapped in annoyance. Naruto, caught in the act, turned around guiltily with a piece of toast still hanging from his mouth. "Will you stop eating my food? I just stocked my fridge yesterday and –"

Uchiha Sasuke, the heir of one of the most prestigious family clans in whole of Japan, abruptly stopped in the middle of his sentence, stared at his long-time best friend and swallowed _hard_.

Because at that moment, he was seeing Naruto in a way he had never seen him before. Naruto, who had taken off his shirt while Sasuke had gone to his room, was standing in the middle of the kitchen wearing only his drenched pants, which were clinging tightly onto his long, shapely legs. The light coming from the fridge behind the blonde was shining around him and illuminating him in a way that made him look like-– like-–

_Like an angel_, a tiny voice in Sasuke's head answered for him, while his remaining sanity winced at the comparison. He swallowed hard again as something very strange happened: his heart began to pound furiously against his ribcage. Sasuke stared.

Naruto's blond hair was still damp from the rain and was sticking to the back of his neck. Tiny droplets of water dripped from the unruly colored mane, and Sasuke's eyes instinctively followed them, trailing down his temple, the back of his neck, and Sasuke had a sudden urge to lick him all dry. Beads of water slowly dripped down on every spot of his wet, soaking body, emphasizing the smoothness of his stomach, on the hardened muscles there that Sasuke never noticed before as they continued to trail down, down, _down_ to his ---

And Sasuke's brain halted to a screeching stop, alarms ringing in his ears. He blinked. Naruto blinked back at him.

"Sowee - _ackfg_!" Naruto accidentally gulped down the piece of toast that was still stuffed in his mouth.

The uneasy tension Sasuke felt was suddenly broken. Sasuke blinked again for good measure as he squinted at Naruto who was choking and had began thrashing his hands in the air for help. Sasuke frowned, wondering what the hell just happened.

Because, seriously, he hadn't just imagined perverted thoughts about Naruto, had he?

"Water," Naruto gasped, slamming his fist on his chest. "_Sasuke_."

Sasuke crossed his arms and glared at the floor, as if it was the one that suggested that he, Uchiha Sasuke, had been thinking of _thinking_ perverted thoughts.

"Help." _Cough. Choke_.

Because an Uchiha was not a pervert, thank you very much. And Sasuke was the epitome of an Uchiha: intelligent (a genius if you will), cool, calm, had grace under pressure, and of course, very masculine.

"Need." _Choke. Cough_. "Water."

In fact, Sasuke was a very manly-man. _Everyone _knew that. Yes. Sasuke nodded to himself, as he rubbed his right temple. Maybe it was because he was working too hard. Maybe it was time to take a little break, because it seemed that he was already suffering from hallucination. Because there just couldn't be any logical reason why he would want to think of licking Naruto with his tongue as he shivered–

"Fucking. Bastard. Help." _Choke. Slam fist on chest._

Sasuke looked up, irritated. "What?"

"Water," Naruto repeated, gasping. Sasuke's lips pursed tightly. He grabbed a glass, poured ice-cold water in it, and handed it to Naruto who drank it greedily.

Sasuke's gaze fell on Naruto's throat, all nice and smooth, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he drank, and Sasuke wondered what it would taste like under his flickering tongue, all soft and wet, with Naruto moaning under him, writhing under his fingers, softly trailing down that hardened stomach and down to his -

Shit.

Sasuke suddenly slammed his closed fist on the table beside him, causing Naruto to jump. Shit. He was having those hallucinations again. _Oh my God_, Sasuke thought in horror_. What the hell is happening to the world?_

"What?" Naruto asked meekly. "I already said I'm sorry, all right? I'm going to buy you a whole loaf of bread tomorrow."

Sasuke glared at him, an aura filled with killer intent surrounding him. Naruto took a step back.

"Okay, okay. A whole loaf of bread and a jar of jelly," Naruto quickly offered. "Jeez."

"Naruto."

"What?" Naruto squeaked. "You can't expect me to buy you a week's worth of groceries! You know I'm not as rich as you, and I do need the money for my allowance to school and –"

"Just get out," Sasuke said dryly, turning around. He heard Naruto following him as he returned in front of his fireplace.

"Aww, Sasuke, you're not kicking me out just because I took a piece of bread," Naruto complained as Sasuke sat on his chair and carefully took out the document he was reading earlier. "I mean, I'm your best friend, right?"

"Actually, it was you who decided for the both of us that I'd be your friend, therefore giving me the role of best friend by default." He flicked his gaze at him. "I don't really recall agreeing to this… bond- you like to call it, anyway."

"That's so mean." Naruto frowned, crossing his arms.

"And anyway," Sasuke continued, pointedly avoiding looking at him for fear of hallucinations attacking his head again, "I'm working. So get out and stop bothering me."

"But it's raining!"

"I'll lend you my umbrella."

"Huh?"

"You can borrow my clothes too," he said, not bothering to look up. He jerked his thumb towards the kitchen where they came from. "I left it on the table. Put some clothes on."

Naruto didn't move. "And then I can stay?"

"No."

"Sheesh, you are so evil."

"Hn."

"I mean, I walked all the way here so I can see you. I got caught in the rain, you didn't even want to let me inside when I arrived, you're going to bankrupt me by buying you groceries, and now, you're kicking me out." Naruto sighed. "You're really such a bastard."

"So I've heard."

He could practically see Naruto sticking his tongue out at him before walking away with a huff. Sasuke made sure that Naruto was fully clothed before glancing at him. Naruto straightened the shirt he had lent him, and Sasuke took a moment to silently admit that he never thought his shirt would look that nice on anyone besides himself.

"What?" Naruto asked suspiciously as he caught Sasuke's gaze on him. Sasuke smirked.

"I was just thinking that I wasted half a thousand on that shirt only for it to be worn by you."

Naruto growled. "Bastard."

"Idiot."

"Shithead."

"The umbrella's near the door. You won't miss it."

"I need a bag to put in my clothes."

"Never mind. I'll just put it in my laundry. It _obviously_ needs washing."

Naruto frowned before he stuck his tongue at him. "I'm not going to be concerned about you anymore," he told him as he walked to the front door. Naruto grabbed the umbrella on the corner, opened the door and slammed it hard behind him.

Sasuke suddenly let out the sigh he didn't realized he was holding until Naruto was safely out of earshot. He glanced at the documents on his case, before reluctantly closing his bag. If what happened earlier was any indication, then he really, _really_ need to take a break. He closed his eyes briefly and leaned back on the seat. Now, if he could just figure out why he was having those strange hallucinations, then everything would be all right.

And this was when Sasuke remembered it all started. The sad part (or not really) about it was that it didn't end there at all.

* * *

So.

Sasuke took a deep intake of breath as he lay awake on his bed later that night (or morning, Sasuke corrected himself as he glanced at the clock on the wall which read two a.m.), and stared at the white ceiling, his arms folded behind his head.

If he were to think about what happened logically, there could only be a few reasons why his heart suddenly began to throb feverishly the moment he set his eyes on a half-naked Naruto.

Reason one: He had a cardiovascular problem, most probably a heart condition that occurred in young people like him who loved to eat too much meat and fat. (Hmm, maybe he should go to a doctor and have himself checked, just in case.)

Reason two: He was working too hard; the irregular pounding of his heart was almost certainly a result of this. When was the last time he'd taken a vacation since he'd become the Uchiha heir anyway? One, two years? He couldn't remember anymore.

Reason three: He'd been drinking too much coffee. Hey, too much of something was not always a good thing, right?

Reason four: Naruto had scared him more than Sasuke would ever admit when the idiot had suddenly knocked on the kitchen window. Well, granted that it happened about fifteen minutes before his heart made its unusual movement, but it was still highly possible.

And reason five. Sasuke blinked and growled at the ceiling.

No. There was no reason number five.

So, considering all of these four reasons logically and rationally, it would seem that Sasuke had nothing to be worried about after all. To prevent those strange (albeit highly exciting) hallucinations to happen again, he would have to change his lifestyle. Yes. A lifestyle change would be a good solution to this predicament–-

_Beep... Beep._

Sasuke snatched his cellular phone on the bedside table and squinted at it. It was a text message from Naruto. He paused and placed a hand on his chest. Nope. His heart was beating normally. He clicked on the message in relief.

_R u still awake?_

He wondered whether to reply or not. After a minute of mental debate, Sasuke decided to cut Naruto slack. He, after all, only went to his apartment to visit him. Sasuke should actually be touched that someone had been worrying about him. In fact, he should even thank Naruto for his thoughtfulness. So he quickly tapped on the keypad for his answer: _No, I'm already sleeping and you're bothering me._

There was a few seconds of silence after he sent the message before came the reply: _K. R u mad at me?_

_No._

_Rily?_

_Well, if you really want me to, then fine._

_Oh. Ok. It's fyn. So I was wondring… Should I still buy u jelly?_

Sasuke stared at his phone. Jelly? What the hell – Oh right. When Naruto ate his bread.

_You don't have to. I just got annoyed at you that time._

_Ur always annoyd at me._

_That's true. Is there any point of having this conversation? _

_Um, I can't sleep._

_So you're pestering me?_

_Uh, yea?_

_It's 2am._

_I know. So… Can u tell me a bedtym story?_

Sasuke raised his eyes to the ceiling in silent admonishment before typing an intelligent reply: _You are such an IDIOT__._

It took a few seconds before Naruto replied: _Nd ur a bastard. Oh, hey. I almost 4got. Cud I copy ur physics homework at skul?_

_No. I'm a bastard._

_I was jst joking. Jeez._

Sasuke couldn't help it when the corner of his lips twitched upward. He could practically imagine Naruto frowning, his mouth pursed in a pout. Naruto's lips were soft and pink, so it would probably taste nice under Sasuke's own mouth... his tongue flickering inside that wet cave, meeting Naruto's own tongue, twisting against each other until Sasuke forced him into submission, sucking, sucking hard at every spot of Naruto's lips and _shit,_ he was having hallucinations again. Sasuke sat up, clutching at his chest and found the muscle in there beating swiftly, his back drenched with sweat.

He stared at the phone for a moment before turning it off. He placed it back on the bedside table before lying down again.

No, he would not think of reason five. He would not. It would be impossible, quite improbable, for an Uchiha to be even considering a fifth reason.

But ---

But, just out of intellectual research and considering all possibilities… the fifth possible reason why his heart was twisting so painfully inside his chest while he was thinking of his best friend, was that Sasuke might be - he blinked cautiously – he might be, you know.

_Gay_.

Fuck. Sasuke's heart was hammering against his chest again, and he had to sit up to clutch it tightly. That didn't just happen. No, he was not sweating profusely, thank you very much. His hands had not gone all cold and clammy. And he definitely wasn't breathing like he was gasping for air. Uchiha Sasuke, gay? Heh. That would be the day.

The image of Naruto half-naked on his kitchen suddenly popped into Sasuke's mind. And try as hard as he may to put a big baggy shirt on that image in his brain, Naruto's blue eyes staring at him guiltily was driving him insane.

There was only one thing a true Uchiha could do at the moment. Sasuke buried his head deep beneath his pillow and groaned.

* * *

No, Sasuke suddenly thought as he stared at the ceiling, the clock on the wall reading 6am. He was not gay. There must be a logical reason behind all these. He opened his phone again and glanced at the ten new messages there; all from Naruto. He resisted the urge to open them, and instead, deleted all messages.

Yes. There should be a logical explanation for this.

* * *

"Sasuke." Naruto appeared and plopped down on the desk beside him. It was early morning, and they were in the classroom, waiting for their professor to arrive.

"I'm not interested in boys," Sasuke suddenly said as Naruto opened his mouth to say something again. Naruto blinked at him.

"Huh?"

"In fact," Sasuke said in a condescending tone, "I have a date. Tonight, actually. With a girl."

Blink again. "Uh. Right."

"So, I hope you're not thinking of anything strange," Sasuke continued, eyes narrowing. "Because I'm an Uchiha and absolutely fine with my identity. And just so you know, we Uchiha, are the embodiment of a person who has reached self-actualization."

"You-–"

"And I'll be sending you your clothes this weekend so there's no need for you to go to my apartment to pick it up."

"I-–"

"I've been thinking last night, and I just realized that I'm not being a very sociable person as I wish to be," Sasuke said. "So, starting today, I'll try to mingle with other people, more preferably with females. You know-– "

"Sasuke."

He paused and flicked his gaze at Naruto. "Yes?"

"I just want to borrow your physics homework so I can copy it." Naruto extended an open, expecting hand. "_Like_, right now."

Sasuke stared. He silently opened his bag, took his paper and handed it to Naruto who grinned.

"Thanks," Naruto beamed. He paused. "Oh yeah. What the hell were you talking about anyway?"

Sasuke grunted.

* * *

Uchiha Sasuke was a genius.

His kind appear only once within ten generations. He was gifted with keen intelligence and amazingly accurate forethought that he was already being considered a monster in the business area despite his young age, and also, one of the possible candidates for Summa Cum Laude in his class. So Sasuke, being the intelligent and genius person that he was, decided to make a foolproof plan to show to everyone – most especially to himself – that he was, in fact, _not_ attracted to his male best friend in any way.

Of course, if ever there was a flaw in every genius that ever lived, it was this: they were too proud of their intellect to consider that their plan would even be less than a hundred-and-one percent perfect. In the case of Uchiha Sasuke, the flaw came in the form of a loud and annoying blond. Also known as the core reason he was having this predicament in the first place.

* * *

_Plan A: Go on a date with a girl._

"Whoa! This looks delicious," Naruto exclaimed as he pointed at the menu. "I haven't heard of this one before-– Oh... _Oh._ I don't have enough money."

Sasuke pursed his lips in a tight line.

"Sasuke," Naruto began, as he turned on his seat to look at him. "Could I borrow from you?" he asked. "I promise I'll pay you back once I have my job after college."

"No."

"What?" Naruto frowned.

"I said no."

"Stingy bastard," Naruto said, crossing his arms.

"Could you tell me why the hell you're here," Sasuke said flatly.

Naruto's face brightened. "But this is your first date, Sasuke! Of course I have to be here." He patted the Uchiha on the back. "That's what friends are for."

Sasuke tried to ignore the warm sensation on his flesh that Naruto's hand had made contact with, and instead reluctantly looked at the rest of the people around the table. It was originally a table for two: for Sasuke and the girl he'd asked out... he already forgot her name even though she was on the same course as him. It was _almost_ perfect. He'd specifically chosen a classy and famous restaurant, because he'd heard that girls liked that stuff, bought a bouquet of fresh roses, and wore a neat, black suit that he knew looked damn good on him.

And then Naruto appeared in casual attire, along with their other friends and his perfectly thought-of plan began crumbling down.

Apparently, Naruto had told everyone who cared to listen that Sasuke was going out on a date. And everyone who cared to listen, most especially his so-called friends, couldn't believe that he was on a social rendezvous with someone other than his business associates and his Uchiha family. So, they just had to see for themselves.

"Trust Sasuke-kun to choose the perfect place," Ino gushed from beside Chouji, who was already giving his orders to the waiter.

"But this one is too expensive," Lee said sadly as he stared at the menu. He glanced at Chouji. "Do you have money for that, Chouji?"

The Culinary Arts student blinked at him. "Huh? I thought Sasuke would pay for these. I mean, it's _his_ date, right?"

Sasuke's eyebrow twitched ever so slightly.

Tenten eyed the plates that the other patrons were eating and frowned. "I don't want anything. I'm on a diet," she said, shrugging.

Sakura, who was sitting across her, stiffened. "In that case, I'm not eating either."

Ino, not wanting to be outdone, simply shut her menu and calmly placed it on the table. "Me either."

"This is bothersome." Shikamaru yawned and scratched the back of his neck. "We obviously don't have enough money to pay for these. Could we just go now?"

"But Shikamaru, this is Sasuke's first date," Lee said in surprise. "We have to support him. It's part of a youth's mission to involve himself with other people!"

Naruto nodded in agreement. "Sasuke, I need three hundred more," he said after peering in his frog-shaped wallet.

"Could we go now?" Shikamaru asked again.

Sasuke ignored all of them. He turned to his date beside him. "I'm sorry," he muttered. "I didn't know they were going to come."

The girl, with long black hair, brown eyes, wearing a nice white dress mutely nodded, darting nervous glances at Sasuke's friends.

"So," Sasuke began. "What's your name again?"

The girl looked at him in surprise. "Yuki. You've asked me that three times already."

_Oh_. "Sorry. It's just-– you know." He gestured at the noisy table and shrugged. "Couldn't exactly concentrate with this background."

"Okay." She smiled shyly.

"Anyway. Yuki." Sasuke took a deep breath and looked at her. "I'm really glad you didn't turn me down."

"Why would I turn you down, Sasuke-kun?" Yuki said, looking shocked. "No one in their right mind would do that."

"Really?" Sasuke blinked. And then, for no particular reason at all, he glanced at Naruto who was whining at Shikamaru and asking him to lend him money. Then, he looked back at Yuki.

Yep. No particular reason at all.

Sasuke gave a small smile, obviously pleased with himself. See, he thought. He was having a normal date with a very pretty girl. And he was actually attracted to her too. He was sure of it. Yes, it was just there, lying deep in his heart and brain. He would just have to pull it out later on. And the best part of it was that, even though Naruto was sitting on his other side, his hormones were acting normally. No hallucinations.

Overall, it was a great plan. Sasuke smirked internally.

"Of course." Yuki smiled at him. "I was really surprised when you asked me out after Physics class, but I'm so happy you even thought of me."

Actually, Sasuke had just let his eyes roam around the room and chose the most presentable girl sitting there. It just so happened that she was the first one his gaze fell on. But of course, he wasn't about to tell her that.

"Right," he said. He racked his brain for a topic they could talk about. "So. Nice weather, isn't it?"

She raised an eyebrow at the heavily tinted window of the restaurant, unable to see anything outside. "Yeah."

"And." He took a calm sip of water. "Are you still studying?"

Yuki stared at him. "Um, we're in the same Physics class?"

"Ah. Right." He nodded. "Do you live near here?"

Yuki continued to stare. "Sasuke-kun? You picked me up at my house, remember?"

"Ah." Sasuke drank his water again before nodding to himself. This was good. His date was going smoothly, there were no hallucinations in his brain right now, and he's having a very interesting conversation with a girl. Maybe he should have done this before.

"But I'm hungry," Naruto was whining on Sasuke's other side. "And this stingy bastard's not letting me borrow from him."

Sasuke turned and frowned at him. "I can hear you perfectly, idiot. You're really annoying, you know."

"Shut up." And Naruto's stomach rumbled loudly. He touched it self-consciously.

Sasuke felt his lips twitch at Naruto lame retort and in an effort to hide it from view, he reached out for his back pocket and took his wallet. He took out a gold card and handed it to Naruto who stared at it warily.

"Sasuke-kun?" Yuki said tentatively. Sasuke glanced at her.

"Just a moment, Yuki. I just need to stop this idiot from whining."

"What's that?" Naruto asked, still staring at the credit card.

"I thought you were hungry," Sasuke said gravely. Naruto lifted his eyes and met his gaze head-on and Sasuke suddenly found it difficult to look away from those blindingly blue eyes. In fact, Sasuke had the sudden urge to push Naruto on the table, fling all those expensive silver utensils on the floor then rip the casual clothes Naruto was wearing before sucking his lips senseless.

…?!?!

Um, that didn't just happen. No, he didn't just fantasize of sexually harassing Naruto in front of all these people. Sasuke bit his tongue in irritation. This was getting annoying. Naruto didn't even look like a girl, for crying out loud! He narrowed his eyes at Naruto who was currently rubbing his face. And he definitely doesn't act like one.

"Really?" Naruto asked, looking hopeful, scrunching his nose.

If Sasuke was an ordinary person with normal emotions, he might have thought that Naruto's pout looked kind of endearing. But because he was an Uchiha, he merely grunted.

"Of course." Then, regaining his composure, Sasuke smirked. "I'll add it to the list of debt you owe me."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Bastard." But he took the card happily and waved for the waiter.

"Sasuke-kun?" Yuki said again.

He finally focused his gaze on her. "Yes?"

Yuki opened her mouth. "I was wondering if--"

"Sasuke," Chouji interrupted, eyes wide. Sasuke looked at him. "You're going to pay for the food here, right?"

Sasuke lifted his eyes to the ceiling in calm exasperation before looking at Chouji again. "Why would I do th--"

"Of course," Naruto exclaimed, waving the card around. "Your food is on me!" He paused. "Or you know, on Sasuke's card. But it's with me, so it's on me!"

Sasuke stared. "What? No, wait! Stupid, I just gave it to you so –"

"Ooh, a truly generous act of a youth in full bloom," Lee said excitedly as he began pointing at the menu. "I want this one. And this. And this. Oh! And this."

"All right," Naruto agreed, the waiter wrote down Lee's orders. "Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru's mouth twitched. "Well," he said reluctantly, glancing at his own menu. "I would want this. And this. And this."

Sasuke's grip on the knife tightened.

"Are you sure you're on a diet, Tenten?" Naruto asked in concern. "Sakura-chan?"

"I guess a cup of tea would be nice," Tenten said.

"A small plate of cake wouldn't be too heavy, I guess," Sakura muttered.

"Why aren't you asking me, Naruto?" Ino demanded.

Naruto blinked. "Oh. I'm sorry. Do you want to eat too, Ino?"

Ino jerked her thumb towards Sakura. "I'll have what she'll have," she said, causing Sakura to roll her eyes.

"Well." Naruto beamed around. He turned to Sasuke. "So, what do you want to have, Sasuke?"

Sasuke's grip on the knife didn't relaxed. "How about your head on a platter?"

"Oh, sorry. That's not on the menu," Naruto said breezily. "Try again."

"Naruto," Sasuke said in a deathly calm voice. "You realized how much that would all cost, you dumb, blundering idiot?"

"Excuse me?" Naruto said, affronted.

"That would cost hundreds, you stupid bastard," Sasuke continued pleasantly, still in that calm voice. "And how exactly are you paying me back?"

"Don't be so mean, Sasuke. I mean, I can't be the only one who gets to eat while they just watch," Naruto protested.

"Right. By using my credit card."

"Well..." Naruto paused as he measured his next words carefully. "Obviously. _Duh_."

"I'll kill you," Sasuke hissed.

"No you won't," Naruto said cheerfully. "Now, Sasuke. What would you want?"

Sasuke clenched his teeth before turning to his other side. "Yuki, I'm sorry. What do you want to –" He squinted at the empty seat beside him. "Yuki?" He glanced around.

"If you mean the pretty girl in white, she already left," Shikamaru spoke, stifling a yawn behind his hand.

"She left?" Sasuke repeated.

"Well, she kept on talking to you, but you were busy arguing with Naruto." Shikamaru shrugged. "Are you going to take us all home after this? Cause I'm really tired to wait for the bus."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Sasuke demanded.

Shikamaru blinked at him. "I thought you wouldn't mind too much if she was gone." He paused. "Are you taking us all home?"

Sasuke stared. His first attempt at being a social butterfly, and he ended up as an ugly moth. A tired, ugly and soon-to-be bankrupt moth.

Great plan, Uchiha. Really great plan. He closed his eyes for a moment, massaging his temples.

"Ooh, look. They have waffles," Naruto chirped.

* * *

_Plan B: Be acquainted with females. Increase masculine points._

Sakura stared at him. "Really?" she asked anxiously. "I mean, you're not doing this because Naruto asked you to, right?"

Sasuke stared back at her. "Why would Naruto ask me to do this?"

She blushed slightly. "Oh. Well. I've always wanted to ask you to come to one of our meetings, but I knew you were going to say no. I figured that Naruto just wanted to help me out and asked you."

"Well he didn't. And I didn't tell him about this either." He paused. "Did you?"

"No," she said quickly.

He nodded. "Very well. Let's just get to it," he said stiffly, as he started walking. Sakura rushed forward and stepped beside him.

"So what happened?" she asked cautiously. He glanced at her from the corner of his eyes.

"Pardon?"

"I mean, why are you doing all these things?"

He paused. "What things?"

"You know," she shrugged. "Getting involved. Socializing. I mean… going on a date? Uchiha Sasuke never dated before."

"And was dumped?" he asked wryly.

"You weren't dumped!" Sakura scoffed. "Actually, it was the other way around. You barely talked to her. And when you did, you really sucked at having a normal conversation. Or more like, she talked, and you grunted."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Were you eavesdropping on us?" She blushed again.

"Me? Eavesdropping?" Sakura laughed rather loudly. "Like I would hear about how you kept on asking her name for the third time in a row. And whether she was still studying. Or if she lived nearby. Hahahaha. You're so funny."

Sasuke gave her a look. She immediately shut up. They walked up to the steps of the school building and headed for the last room in the hallway. When they reached their destination, she halted in front of him.

"Are you sure about this?" Sakura asked again.

"Yes."

"Because, Sasuke-kun, I'm just warning you. People here are, very… um, enthusiastic. Very zealous. Passionate. Fanatical."

He stared at her blankly.

"About you," she finished. "So, they might get a little carried away and – well, even if I'm the president of the '_Uchiha Sasuke Forever'_ fan club, I don't think I can save you from my members when trouble comes. I doubt even Ino can do anything."

"I think I can handle myself," he finally said. She looked doubtful.

"Okay. But if you feel like, you know, they're going way out of line, you can just scream."

"Scream," he echoed calmly.

"Yes. If you can scream '_Get you stinking hand off my ass, bitch!!_', then that would be better too. 'Cause at least, I would know where you are if they got you surrounded, and we can get help if necessary..."

Silence.

"Right," Sasuke said. "I'll… remember that."

"Good." She took a deep breath and reached for the knob. She glanced at him. "Ready?"

"Sakura," he said patiently. "You're just going to introduce me to your friends, how bad would it be?"

She merely blinked at him before pushing the door open.

Ten minutes later, Sasuke was scampering out of the room, his shirt torn into shreds, his hair askew, and his pants ripped from the knees down. And when a chorus of "_Sasuke-kuuunnn! Wait for usss!!_" followed him, he wasn't the least bit embarrassed of going out of his stoic character, screaming '_Stop following me, bitch!'_ as he ran for his life.

* * *

_Plan C: Play basketball with very masculine guys._

Uchiha Sasuke was not only gifted intellectually, but also physically as well. If he weren't so smart, he would have still been under a scholarship, only this time he would be an athlete scholar. That's how good he was.

So there was actually no problem with this plan, especially since he was grouped with Lee and Neji (they won 46-89). So yeah. Plan C successful. Uchiha Sasuke came out triumphant. And he might have gone home happily satisfied, knowing that he didn't get the least bit excited as his body made contact with other male bodies and his heart didn't pound against his skin like it did when Naruto had been in his apartment. He didn't experience any unusual hallucinations involving Neji or the other boys playing with him. In short, he thought he was cured of whatever mental illness he might have-- that his problem was solved. Happily ever after. The end.

But then again, there was no such thing as happily ever after; the kicker that followed was a testament to that.

Since Sasuke needed to go home early because of the documents to be read, he bid goodbye to his group. Now, as mentioned, Sasuke was already feeling accomplished. There was no doubt in his mind that he was back to his normal, manly-man self and he entered the empty shower room, depositing his bag on the bench and simultaneously dropping his guard down too. Wrong move. Because as he rummaged through his things for his towel, his gaze fell on the bag beside his.

He paused. He looked around in panic. He stared.

Because it turned out that the shower room wasn't empty at all, and the owner of that oh-so familiar bag was currently inside one of the stalls, the sound of the shower now echoing loudly in Sasuke's ears. That frog-shaped bag could only belong to one person in this university. And god, Sasuke was suddenly wishing that he was wrong and it was actually the current trend among sensible, mature and responsible college students like him.

"Ooh… Bubbles," said the familiar voice from inside the only closed stall. "Cool."

Sasuke wanted to bang his head on the locker in front him, but he didn't because that would have hurt. It was _him_. Naruto, his self-proclaimed best friend, and currently, the bane of his otherwise normal existence. Why was life so unfair to him? Why?

He heard Naruto give out a soft laugh. Sasuke slid down on the bench and closed his eyes, the image of Naruto making him sigh quietly. Naruto, standing naked under the stream of water falling gently from the shower, tiny beads of water crawling down on every inch of his hard body, his hand rubbing his shoulders, scrubbing every tendril of soap that was left on his chest, and there would be water running down his smooth neck and oh, how delicious would that have tasted under Sasuke's hot mouth –

Warning! Warning! Hallucination! Uchiha Sasuke's under the influence of an imaginary illegal drug again!

The shower was suddenly turned off and Sasuke's eyes flew open. He quickly stood up, grabbed his things and darted towards the exit. Then, the stall door opened.

"Eh? Sasuke?"

Shit. Sasuke stopped in his tracks, took a deep breath, and silently calling forth his Uchiha-ness. He felt the composure returning to him. He slowly turned around. There was Naruto, standing in front him and wearing an orange robe.

_Thank God for bathrobes_, Sasuke silently prayed. But he still couldn't ignore the way Naruto's yellow hair was sticking on his nape. Or the way Naruto's wide blue eyes stared curiously at him. Or the way the robe clung tightly around his damp, tanned body. Or –

Well, you get the point.

"Naruto," Sasuke greeted back calmly, meeting his friend's gaze and staring straight at his… forehead. Then, Naruto's eyes widened.

"What the – shit!" Naruto rushed towards him and suddenly cupped Sasuke's face. Sasuke froze.

_He's touching me_, Sasuke thought wildly. _He's touching me_. Was Naruto coming on him? Was Naruto actually feeling the same way that Sasuke has for him? Were they actually attracted to each other and sharing the same hallucinations--

"Why the hell is there blood running from your nose?" Naruto wanted to know.

"What?" Sasuke asked blankly.

"Blood," Naruto wailed. He let go of Sasuke, much to the latter's reluctance, and began to yank on his own hair. "Oh God Sasuke, you're having a nose bleed!"

Sasuke lifted his hand to his nose and when he glanced at his finger, there was a red stain on it. Damn. His nose actually bled from imagining Naruto naked.

He was seriously going out of control.

"We need to get you to a doctor," Naruto was saying frantically. "You're going to lose a lot of blood, and shit, you look so pale and – "

"I'm fine," Sasuke said a little too brightly. He coughed. "I'm perfectly fine," he said again, more calmly. "Lee's elbow… hit my nose when we were playing earlier."

"But-–"

"I just need to put an icepack on it," Sasuke continued evenly. "There's no need to worry."

Naruto bit his lip. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah." Sasuke sniffed (_eww_, he grimaced), and blinked at Naruto. "Don't worry about me."

Naruto looked at him doubtfully.

"Anyway," Sasuke said, wiping the blood with the back of his hand. "We won. So I guess it's worth it."

"Huh? Oh." Naruto's face broke in a grin. "Oh. Yeah. That's good. Really good."

Sasuke nodded. There was a short pause.

"So, you're going home?" Naruto asked, stepping forward.

Sasuke thought about it, as he casually took a step back. "Yeah. I've got to finish reading all those company documents."

"That sucks," Naruto said sympathetically.

"Yeah," Sasuke repeated, ignoring the perverted thought that wanted to enter his mind at the very moment, "_Sucks_."

"Hey, we can go home together," Naruto said brightly.

"Actually," Sasuke cut in. "I think I'll stop by a restaurant first."

"Great! I'm getting hungry too."

"On second thought, I think I'll go to the library. I forgot to finish my English homework."

"Can I come too? I haven't done it yet either."

"I-–" Sasuke stalled for time. "Oh. Yeah, I just remembered. I need to be at Juugo's. We have a project to do together. Only those majoring in business have that."

"Oh." Naruto blinked.

"Yeah," Sasuke nodded, dropping his bag on the bench again and searched for his towel. He paused and decided to get his shirt and pants too, since he doesn't have a robe with him.

"Sasuke?"

"Hm?"

"Are you mad at me?"

Sasuke glanced behind him. Naruto stared at him, biting down on his lower lip. Sasuke briefly wondered what it would feel if he was the one doing that to Naruto's lips before shaking his head clear of thoughts. "No. Why would I be?"

"'Cause, I don't know." Naruto shrugged. "I can't help but feel that you're avoiding me these past few days."

Sasuke straightened up and faced him. "I'm not," he lied. "I was just busy."

"You always were before, but you always make time for me," Naruto pointed out.

Sasuke paused. "I-–"

"And you don't want to come near me," Naruto continued accusingly. He stared piercingly at Sasuke. "Do I smell bad?"

"No." Sasuke blinked. God_, no_.

"Then what?" Naruto persisted, walking forward. And since Naruto had already noticed that he was staying away from him earlier, Sasuke didn't move. He endured the painful, loud pounding of his heart against his chest, sure that he was going to die of coronary disease at an early age, but he didn't step back and instead, he waited until Naruto was a foot away from him.

"Nothing," Sasuke said blankly.

"Really?"

Sasuke stared at his blue eyes, a trace of doubt and uncertainty within them. His eyes fell on Naruto's mouth as he licked his own dry lips uneasily.

"I'm just… stressed with the load of work that I have to do," Sasuke finally said forcing to raise his gaze at him. "After graduation, I'll be handling the company fulltime. It's just, there's a lot of expectation from me, you know."

"Oh." The blue eyes softened and Naruto paused. He smiled. "I'm sorry. I must have been a bother to you, right? Annoying you the way I did before, like in high school? Sometimes, I keep forgetting that we're already in college."

Sasuke grunted.

"You know what, Sasuke?" Naruto said, still smiling. "I know you can do it. I'm sure you'll be a great CEO-president of your company."

"Thank you."

Naruto cocked his head, then threw his hands in the air. "Oh well." He stepped forward and pulled Sasuke towards him in a tight hug. Sasuke's froze. It was a very friendly hug, a warm one. And despite the fact that half of Sasuke's brain was running graphical images of what he would have liked to do with Naruto at that moment, and the other half screaming '_Pervert Alert! Pervert Alert_!', he merely grunted against Naruto's shoulder (god, he really smells nice and what a nice chest), and patted him back gently.

"Thank you," Sasuke said again.

There was a pause in which Sasuke should have taken advantage of and pull back. But he didn't. In fact, he even closed his eyes for the briefest moment and enjoyed the warmth feeling of another body against his – the fact that it was Naruto's made him warmer. It was a nice feeling and not in anyway sexual.

When Naruto finally pulled back, Sasuke tried to keep his face neutral. He was an Uchiha after all, and an Uchiha should never be caught embarrassed in front of other people. Naruto peered at him awkwardly.

"That didn't made you uncomfortable, did it?" he asked cautiously.

_By uncomfortable, do you mean me wanting to push you on the wall and ravage your lips right now? Then, yes. I'm really uncomfortable._ "It's fine."

Naruto smiled. "Right." He eyed the towel Sasuke was holding and raised an eyebrow. "Oh. Are you going to take a shower? Go ahead."

Sasuke nodded. "Yeah. I'll go… ahead." He turned around and headed for the nearest stall. He quickly locked the door and turned the shower on full-blast. Then, he sighed before gently banging his head on the white wall.

* * *

  
_Plan D: _…

_What plan D?_

* * *

There was no denying it anymore. Sasuke stared at the ceiling, as he lay awake again on his bed later that night. After three months, two weeks, fifteen days and nineteen hours, Sasuke was finally ready to accept the truth of his life. That he might be in love with his best friend. And that, you know, he might actually be gay because of it. And the worst part of it was, even though he was a genius, he had no idea what to do next.

So there. Sasuke took a deep breath.

Life kinda sucked.

* * *

It was a well-known fact that Uchiha Sasuke was a lone wolf. Being friends with Naruto was actually his only window to the social, outside world. But that didn't mean that Sasuke didn't have his own set of friends that he could call his own. An Uchiha could charm anyone he wanted to, after all. It just so happened that Sasuke didn't want everyone to be charmed with him. That would be troublesome and plain stupid. Everyone would be calling you for help, not to mention, money.

But cynicism about the importance of friendship and bonds aside, Sasuke finally realized that it was time to ask for help. Normally, Sasuke would have told Naruto what was bothering him. But since it was Naruto who was the cause of his problem, it would be kind of awkward to talk to him about it, especially since Sasuke still wasn't ready to tell Naruto about his change in preferences.

So being the genius person that he was, he decided that it was only proper to get intellectual answers from fellow intellectual people as him. But like mentioned before, if there ever was any flaw with geniuses like him, it was the pride in their intelligence. And Sasuke should have realized that just because a person was brilliant _mentally_, it didn't mean that they could actually help or give the best advice when it came to relationships.

* * *

"Of course once homologous chromosomes pair and form synapses, these paired chromosomes are called bivalents. Each bivalent has four chromosomes and two chromatids, with one chromosome coming from the parents. The formation of chiasmata caused by genetic recombination then becomes apparent--"

Shikamaru stared. "Is there something wrong?" he interrupted.

Sasuke paused from reading his homework and glanced at Shikamaru who was sitting across him on the table. They were in the library after Sasuke had asked him to do their homework together.

"Nothing," he said. "Why would there be something wrong with me?"

"Well." Shikamaru rubbed the back of his neck before folding his arms behind his head. "Each bivalent has two chromosomes, not four; and there should be four chromatids, with one chromosome coming from each parent, not both."

Silence.

Sasuke sighed privately. He was really losing his touch. He rubbed his temples. Stupid Naruto. This was all his fault.

Shikamaru was still staring. "You're not going to ask me for advice, are you?" he asked warily. "Because meddling with other people's affairs is just plain troublesome."

Sasuke met his gaze. "Actually," he began, and Shikamaru groaned, dropping his arms.

"I knew there was something fishy when you asked me to help you with your homework."

"I don't know what to do."

Shikamaru frowned. "Do I really need to listen?"

"Well. If you can help me without listening, then go ahead."

There was a pause and Shikamaru sighed and scratched his head. "Whatever."

"I think I'm gay," Sasuke blurted out. He flinched and waited. When there was no response, Sasuke glanced at Shikamaru, who was doing the staring thing again.

"That's your problem?" Shikamaru finally asked. "I missed my afternoon nap because you're having identity issues?"

"A little tact would be appreciated at the moment," Sasuke told him blankly.

"You realized that just _now_?" Shikamaru continued, still in obvious disbelief. "After all this time? And I missed my afternoon nap because of _this_?"

"And maybe if you weren't so lazy as to help someone out, then you're-–" Sasuke stopped. "What did you say?" he stared at him. "Did you just-– "

"I thought you knew." Shikamaru shrugged. "I thought you were just being a closet king, you know, being an Uchiha and all."

Sasuke couldn't move. He couldn't breathe. "You knew?" he hissed. "You knew and you didn't tell me?"

Shikamaru raised his hands innocently. "Hey. I'm just a lazy observer. I don't meddle with things that don't have anything to do with me."

"But-– " Sasuke stopped. He was losing control, damn it. He was losing his Uchiha-ness. He inhaled deeply, trying to clear his mind and looked at him again. "Since when have you known?"

"Uh," Shikamaru squinted his eyes. "I forgot." The temperature dropped to zero and Shikamaru winced. "I don't know," he said again. "I think it was when Naruto began to have a crush on Sakura."

"But-– how?"

"You stopped hanging out with girls after that," Shikamaru said in a matter-of-fact voice. "Either you would stay on your own, or Naruto would always be with you. I thought you avoiding yourself with girls was a way to keep Naruto from developing a deeper feeling for Sakura. Or anyone," he shrugged. "Something like that."

"I-– " Sasuke blinked. "I never thought of that."

Shikamaru shrugged again. "That's all I know. I swear." He paused, eyed Sasuke's almost finished homework, before glancing at him hopefully. "Now that you're done, could I go back to sleep now?"

Sasuke merely pursed his lips.

* * *

Neji stared at Sasuke. "You're gay," he repeated. "And this is my problem because?"

"I think--" Sasuke hesitated. "I think I'm falling for Naruto."

Neji continued to stare. "Naruto?" he repeated. "The guy you always enjoyed smacking on the head to make your day and once pushed down the stairs because he was too loud?"

"Yeah. That one."

"That," Neji said calmly, "is so weird."

"I know. Which is why I don't know what to do now."

Neji crossed his arms and leaned back on the cafeteria chair. "And you realized this just now?"

"You knew too?"

"It was just a theory," Neji said, sounding a bit bored. "I always thought there was something strange about your relationship with Naruto. I mean, that rivalry thing you have with him in kindergarten? Do you know that kind of thing makes up a really good yaoi story?"

Sasuke stared at Neji who blinked back.

"That's what Tenten said to me before," Neji said vaguely.

Sasuke continued to stare at him.

"But that's that." Neji took a calm sip of his soda. "So what are you going to do?"

"I told you, I don't know."

"You should tell him."

Sasuke snorted.

"What, scared?"

"No." Sasuke glared at Neji.

Neji sighed. "Then, I really don't see the point of you telling me this if you're not going to take my advice at all," he said lazily, causing Sasuke's frown to falter slightly. "So?" he prompted. "What do you propose to do now?"

The tense silence that followed only made the Hyuuga genius smirk in amusement.

* * *

"You know," Suigetsu mused, as they waited outside their Accounting class later that afternoon. "For a person they call a _genius_, you're not very smart about these things."

The corner of Sasuke's lips went down ever so slightly.

"Dude," Suigetsu continued in a tone that was supposed to be obvious, "what you should do is buy a handcuff, chain him to your bed, make sure your apartment is sound-proof, then pound him hard from behind like there's no tomorrow." He smiled cheekily at Sasuke. "That would solve all your problems."

Sasuke stared at him before turning around and walking away without any other word.

"If you want some lube, I've got one in my locker," Suigetsu called.

* * *

Okay. The truth was, when Sasuke thought about it carefully, there was actually nothing wrong with him being gay. He could completely accept that. Hell, his uncle Orochimaru -- who was a thriving Biology professor in the university -- was gay and the Uchiha clan was okay with it. (Although him eloping with his number one student, Kabu-something, was still considered a scandal both in school and within the family. He left the clan and his job without any warning, after all.) No, what was bothering him at the moment was the _person_ who was causing him this trouble:

Uzumaki Naruto, Sasuke's childhood friend and now, the star of his wildest fantasies.

Which was wrong. So wrong. Neji was right. There was just something warped and demented about it. Because this was Naruto he was lusting after: Naruto, the guy who used to pee on Sasuke's bed whenever he used to sleep-over at his place when they were both five. Naruto, the guy who scared off a group of bullies by farting at them. Naruto, the guy who used to have a crush on Sakura but stopped stalking her after finding out that she was stalking Sasuke.

There was something seriously fucked-up with falling in love with a guy who knew your deepest fears and insecurities; with the guy who'd seen you cry before, even though you were a fucking Uchiha --- and everyone knows that an Uchiha doesn't cry; and with the guy who was so bright that everyone he smiled at became somehow magnetically charmed by him.

Sasuke was the loner one, and being with Naruto would mean that he would have to accept that Naruto would never be '_his_', because Naruto belonged to everyone who loved him despite his loud and annoying behavior. He would never belong to Sasuke alone.

So falling in love with Uzumaki Naruto would just be a pain in the ass (pun not intended), and quite frankly, Sasuke had enough of nuisances in his life. So yeah, he might be gay, but that didn't mean he was going to do anything about it. Yet.

* * *

Four months, one week, ten days and five hours passed since Sasuke first experienced his 'hallucinations', which he now knew why. And it took four months, one week, ten days and _ten_ hours before Sasuke finally decided to do something about it.

Desperate times called for desperate measures. There comes a moment in your life when you have to swallow your pride, go down on your knees, crawl on a path of muck and beg. In Sasuke's case, it was going to a two-story house with a beautiful garden full of flowers and a small pool on the lawn, and knocking on the white door. Then, he waited.

Sasuke, to be honest, wasn't exactly feeling very pleased with himself for doing this. But if there was someone who could help him even in the tiniest bit, someone who knew Naruto as much as Sasuke knew the blond, it would be his and Naruto's former neighbor when they were in grade school, their tutor, and well, friend. Sort of.

If you were to ask the opinion of Sasuke's mother, she would have probably said that anyone who taught young kids at the age of eight how to read porn mangas, was not someone you could call a friend. Personally, Sasuke would have to agree. But hey, he couldn't exactly say that he didn't enjoy it one bit.

Anyway.

Sasuke frowned and knocked on the door again. He waited. Then knocked for the third time. And waited again for the third time.

Just as he was mutinously thinking up of gruesome and morbid ways on how to kill this person who was letting an Uchiha wait for – Sasuke glanced at his watch – fucking fifteen minutes, the door was slowly opened and pair of familiar eyes blinked warily at him. Or rather, an eye blinked at him. The bastard still wore a facemask in an attempt to, according to him, prevent women from fawning on him too much.

"Sasuke," Kakashi greeted blankly. "Uh. Weren't you supposed to come later this afternoon?"

"I'm busy," Sasuke said stiffly as he stepped inside the house without waiting for an invitation and headed for the living room. "I got a call from a shareholder for an emergency meeting tonight, which was why I had to come right now."

He walked to the coffee table by the window and sat down. Kakashi sat across him a couple of seconds later.

"So," Kakashi began as they settled down. "You know. You finally realized that you're gay."

Wow. Going straight to the point, aren't we? Sasuke's eyebrow slightly twitched. "Yeah."

"Right. And you want me to help you how exactly?"

"I don't know."

"Well. It's really good to know that we're finally going somewhere with this talk," Kakashi said seriously.

Sasuke sighed, not bothering to snap at his sarcasm. "I just want to stop this," he said, slamming his fist on his pounding chest. Kakashi eyed him.

"I may be a lot of things, but not an axe-murderer. I can't help you with that."

"I meant, I don't want to feel this way whenever – " Sasuke stopped.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Whenever?"

There was a brief internal struggle within Sasuke. Admitting to your friends that you're in love with a certain blond was one thing. Telling it to your former English tutor and the guy who taught you the importance of porn was another.

As if reading his mind, Kakashi sighed. "Look. I'm not going to press the issue if you don't want to talk about it."

There was a long silence, before came a very reluctant and hesitant: "Naruto."

Kakashi nodded, not looking the bit surprised. "Naruto," he echoed solemnly. Sasuke wondered if, besides him being gay, this was obvious to other people too. Because if Neji and Shikamaru knew... He fidgeted in his seat uncomfortably. What would Naruto think of him when he found out that he was lusting after him all this time? Sasuke mentally groaned and hunched back on his seat.

"Well, I suppose that would be a slight problem. He is your best friend, isn't he? If you pursue a romantic relationship with him right now, you're going to risk your friendship with him," Kakashi said thoughtfully. "But then again, there's no gender or race when it comes to love so-–"

"I think I need sex," Sasuke muttered as he closed his eyes.

There was a brief pause.

"Uh, Sasuke," Kakashi said carefully, and Sasuke opened his eyes to look at him. "Look. I know you're a very handsome man. And eighty percent of the female population would say that you're hot. But really," Kakashi blinked at him. "I don't think we're that compatible. I mean, I want to be on top. And you want to be on top. So I doubt if we could –"

"I meant, I think I need one of those porn mangas of yours," Sasuke cut in calmly. "I need a mindless, stupid activity to get my brain off my fucking problem right now."

"Ah." Kakashi nodded knowingly, looking slightly relieved. "I see." He paused. "Well, you can go choose what you want. It's in my room. Same place as the last time."

"Right." Sasuke stood up and stretched.

"I'll go make us coffee," Kakashi said as he headed for the kitchen. "Then, we can talk about this more once you've relaxed."

Relaxed. Sasuke rolled his eyes as he stepped inside Kakashi's room. Only Kakashi would categorize reading porn along with yoga and deep breathing. He sulked and walked towards the cabinet on the corner. He kneeled down and was about to open the last drawer when a movement from the other side of the room caught Sasuke's attention. He turned.

There was a lump in the middle of the bed, obviously made by someone sleeping underneath the blue sheets. Sasuke blinked as he stared at the familiar lock of yellow hair sticking out and he cautiously moved forward, all porn forgotten. He slowly pulled the blanket off the lump. Then, the breath in his throat hitched.

What the hell was Naruto doing on Kakashi's bed?

And before Sasuke could ran out of the room to stab Kakashi on the back or do something worse like, oh, probably cry, Naruto stirred. Sasuke stood by the bed silently, wondering what to do.

Naruto turned on his side, so he was facing Sasuke. His left hand hung limply off the bed, the other curled tightly near his chest. Sasuke's gaze fell on Naruto's chest, watched as Naruto breathed, before he raised his gaze to his face.

Naruto was sleeping so peacefully that he looked completely different from his usually active and whining self. And before he could stop himself, Sasuke sat down on the bed. He reached out and touched Naruto's cheek. Then, he immediately pulled it back, his heart hammering from the contact he made. This was strange, he thought. There was no hallucination that was ruining his moment. No. Everything was quiet, as if some divine power finally pitied the Uchiha heir and decided 'W_hat the hell. Let's cut him slack even for a few seconds_'.

And in those few seconds, Sasuke was admittedly very happy.

He touched Naruto's cheek again, then, sliding them down and tracing Naruto's smooth jaw line, mapping out the curve of his lower lip with his thumb, before placing his finger on those closed lips, feeling the warm breath coming from the sleeping boy. And oh, what would he give to have just a little taste of these wondrously soft lips?

He stared and swallowing hard, he slowly bent forward, his hands cupping Naruto's face as he inched closer and closer, and then ---

And then, Naruto's eyes fluttered open. And Sasuke froze. Um. Was tripping and falling on the bed with Sasuke's hand _accidentally _cupping Naruto's face a plausible excuse for getting caught in this situation?

"Sasuke?" Naruto breathed as he blinked groggily, his hand reaching out to rub his eyes. For some strange reason, Sasuke still couldn't move as he hovered above him.

"Sasuke," Naruto murmured again, this time, meeting his gaze.

Sasuke swallowed hard, staring deep in his blue eyes. "Yes?" he croaked, his hand tightening on Naruto's cheek. God, he was so beautiful. So beautiful and pure, it hurt looking at him like this. He really wanted to entwine his fingers with Naruto's, lick his smooth neck before sucking those perfect lips and -

"You're breathing on my face."

Pause. Sasuke blinked as he calmly pulled back. "Right. Sorry. I didn't notice."

Naruto yawned and sat up, his eyes blinking drowsily. It took a few seconds before his gaze became focused. "What are you doing here?"

Something twisted in Sasuke's chest, he actually raised his hand and touched it consciously. "What are _you_ doing here?" he asked, as he dropped his hand down.

"Huh. I asked Kakashi to help me out with my physics homework." Naruto yawned. "But man, I couldn't understand a freaking word of what he was saying, so I went to sleep."

Sasuke blinked. "But I always help you with your homework." He stopped. "Or rather, I always let you copy mine. Why do you have to ask him for help?" And no, he was not whining, because an Uchiha never whines.

"But you're busy with your work," Naruto said in a matter-of-fact voice. "I figured I'd just be bothering you if I ask."

"You're never a bother."

Naruto gave him a look and Sasuke shrugged.

"Well okay, you're always a bother, so what's going to be any different if you just ask me anyway?"

It was Naruto's turn to shrug. "You've been looking pale these past days. I thought you were having too much trouble with the business. I decided to not nag you."

Sasuke blinked. Naruto cocked his head and thoughtfully stared at him. "I've been meaning to ask you," Naruto said carefully. "Is there anything wrong? Anything I can do to help?"

Sasuke stared. If he were to be completely honest with himself, he was getting tired of all these denials and attempts to convince himself that he was straight. It was getting old and quite frankly, his effort to assure himself that he was not in love with his best friend was sounding like a clichéd 35-page, 13,000 plus-words yaoi fanfic that was written just to pass time. So even though the consequences of his confession would be huge and might cause a scandal to his family, he was actually willing to go with it if it meant nights of complete sleep. But then again, was Sasuke really ready to risk all those years of friendship with Naruto?

"Actually," Sasuke began, wondering how to say it, and then decided for a fib. "I heard some… rumors."

"Rumors?"

Sasuke nodded. "About me being, you know."

"What?"

Sasuke watched him carefully. "Gay."

Naruto blinked. "So?"

_Huh?_

"There's nothing wrong with being gay," Naruto said, frowning. "I'm one. I mean, bisexual. Whatever term you want to use."

Sasuke almost fell off the bed. Excuse the language but, what the _motherfucking hell_?

"You're… _gay_?" Sasuke squeaked. No, scratch that. He didn't squeak. He'd said it in a perfectly male voice, with his tone hitching just a little bit higher than normal. Realizing that the plans to convince himself that he was straight were futile, and finding out that it was all pointless could do that to a person. Then he had to repeat it again. "_You're gay_?"

"Yeah." Naruto slowly blinked at him. "Aren't you?"

There was a heartbeat of silence. This was it. It was now or never. Kill or be killed. The moment of truth. Sasuke blinked back. "Actually, I'm – "

"I'm back," Kakashi's cheerful voice boomed and he entered the bedroom, holding a tray. Sasuke and Naruto both turned around to stare at him. He winked. "Oh, and I made waffles because I'm feeling really, _really_ generous today." Then he beamed as he stretched out his arm and pushed the tray towards them.

Five minutes later, Naruto was still apologizing profusely to Kakashi about how Sasuke _never _really meant to hurl those three cups of steaming coffee at Kakashi's pants before the perpetrator ran inside the bathroom and unearthly screams were heard through the door.

* * *

Sasuke had his arms folded under his head as he lay on his back, one leg crossed over the other, and he stared at the blue sky above him. He was on Kakashi's roof after crawling out of the bathroom window half an hour ago, but still, he couldn't get the motivation to get up and show his face to anyone.

Maybe he just wasn't meant to confess to Naruto. Maybe he was destined to watch his friend get married to some pretty, hot babe while he dwelled in the corner, watching as his best man. He sighed. Then, he squinted at one cloud formation on the sky that awfully looked like two dogs Doing It, and he glared, furious that even Heaven was mocking him.

"Hey."

Sasuke's head quickly turned around and saw Naruto carefully making his way across the slanted roof. He blinked. "Hey," he said slowly.

Naruto finally reached him and he sat down beside him. "I've been looking all over for you. I thought you went home."

"Hn."

"Anyway, Kakashi's fine. He said he's pretty sure he's still fertile despite what happened 'cause he disappeared in the bathroom for ten minutes to check it out," Naruto informed him cheerfully. "He left the house a few minutes ago, said he's going to call someone. But the waffles are on the table, so if you want, we can go eat it together."

All Sasuke could do was grunt. Kakashi's ability to procreate wasn't exactly what was bothering him at the moment.

"Are you all right?" Naruto asked curiously. "You look like your dog died. And that's weird, cause you don't have a dog."

What died, Sasuke brooded, was any hope of sharing a lifetime with someone that he was going to love forever, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer and poorer; and of course, the nightly heart-pounding, mind-blowing, hot kinky sex they were going to have was an added bonus that Sasuke was too smart not to question. The corner of his mouth slid down. There went his future down the drain. There went his happiness.

It should have been the perfect moment; the incident in Kakashi's bedroom, that is. If it was a scene in some youth-oriented show, there would have been a cheesy love song playing on the background, singing "_Let the love begin…"_ But _no._ Kakashi just _had_ to butt in and offer them coffee.

Fucking Kakashi and his waffles. Who in their right mind, male and at the age of late-twenties would want to make waffles for their guests? _Who?_

"Sasuke?" Naruto said again.

Sasuke sat up and rubbed his temples wearily. "Sorry. It's just been a very difficult day."

Naruto nodded. "Oh hey. I wanted to ask you. What were you about to say in the bedroom before Kakashi came in?"

He sighed, too tired to jump off the roof and kill himself. "That I'm going to die a virgin?" he said dryly.

Naruto blinked. And then again for good measure. "Oh," he said, obviously not knowing what to say. "Oh, wow. That's… that's, um… "

"Sad?" Sasuke put in, not bothering to call forth his Uchiha-ness, although that would have been helpful at that moment because he was completely losing his cool and composure in front of Naruto. But Sasuke was already too much lost in his depressing-emo mode that he didn't care. "Miserable? Pathetic? Depressing?" He nodded. "I know."

"No. What I meant was I never knew you were a virgin."

Black eyes blinked at blue ones. "Isn't it obvious?"

"Um, _no_. I mean, you have all these girls fawning after you."

Sasuke sat up and looked at him in the eye, a bit surprised at what he had said. "I wouldn't do it with someone I don't have any feelings for."

Pause. "Really?"

"Yeah. I'll only do that with a person I like." He stared at Naruto who blinked at him. "Someone whom I've known for a very long time. Someone who can accept me despite everything else."

Sasuke took a deep breath. This was really it. He wasn't about to stop now. And damn it, if Naruto would turn him down after this… well. Sasuke would just have to buy a ticket to Antarctica and be a missionary there because he just couldn't stay being a platonic friend to him anymore, even if it meant risking their friendship. Even if it meant losing him.

"Someone who, even though he is such a stupid idiot sometimes, has always been there for me whenever I need him. And now, he's the reason why I've been having trouble getting a decent sleep these past months, and the reason why I'm willing to risk everything I have, just to know if he feels the same way," Sasuke continued, voice strangely calm.

Naruto stared. "Sasuke, are you –"

And Sasuke finally obtained the courage to do what he had always wanted to do ever since Naruto stood there on his kitchen, looking like an angel and Sasuke first realized that there was more to Naruto than just being his idiotic best friend:

He cupped the back of Naruto's head, leaned forward and brushed his lips against his.

Sasuke closed his eyes as he felt the electric rush coursing through his veins, his whole body tingling in anticipation. And though he was tempted to push Naruto on his back and have a taste of the skin he was hiding inside that orange shirt, he didn't. Instead, Sasuke gently pressed his lips on Naruto's, pulling back once, then meeting them again, before Naruto slowly eased his mouth open, and Sasuke's tongue was allowed passage inside. And god, he tastes so nice and hot, Sasuke had to pull him closer, all the while thinking that if he could do this with Naruto every single, waking moment of his life, then he should have been gay a long time ago.

He didn't know how long they stayed there, their tongues entwined, exchanging light finger caress before Sasuke slowly, very gently pulled back. He stared at Naruto before the latter slowly opened his own eyes. Naruto's face was flushed, and Sasuke had to clench his hand on the side to keep himself from doing anything more that might cause him to go straight to a hospital (Naruto's punch could really hurt) or jail (it was going to be so embarrassing for the world to know that an Uchiha was accused for being a pervert). He waited.

"Sasuke, I - " Naruto began softly. He swallowed hard. "I always thought - I always thought you wouldn't love me the way I do with you – "

Sasuke's heart twisted happily. All those months of denial, confusion and cold showers were finally over. He felt his whole body lightening from the burden that he had kept inside for so long. And then, with all the haughtiness and arrogance of an Uchiha heir, he snorted. "Of course I don't, idiot."

Naruto blinked. Sasuke narrowed his eyes at him as he leaned forward and moved his face towards him, he could feel the warm breath of Naruto on his lips. "You would just have to teach me how, because I'm not very good with these kinds of things," he whispered blankly.

Naruto's face slowly broke into a beautiful smile. "God, you almost scared me there," he said laughing, as he too leaned forward until their foreheads touched. "Jeez, you're still such a bastard."

And Sasuke, being a true Uchiha, merely smiled back at him.

* * *

"So, my foolish little brother finally cracked," Itachi deadpanned.

"Yeah." Kakashi strolled down the bookstore aisle, looking for the latest release of his favorite manga as he adjusted the cellular phone on his ear that he was using to talk to Itachi. "They're stuffing their tongues inside each other's mouth on my roof."

"Hn. I've always wondered why he didn't do this before."

"He was in denial," Kakashi replied, face brightening at the discovered book in front him. "Poor guy was trying to convince himself he was straight."

"Hn."

"So, anyway," Kakashi said breezily, eyeing another volume of manga he saw on the other shelf. "How are you two there?"

"Fine. We've already established a prayer group. Hidan called us '_Akatsuki_' because we'll be helping other people see the dawn of hope and love in this world, and the people there are really nice. I think you should really consider joining us here. This trip has been really enlightening."

Kakashi shuddered. "And live a life of celibacy? No thanks."

"Who said anything about celibacy? It's not required."

"Huh? But I thought – "

"Did Sasuke put up a bet on how long I can stay a virgin?" Itachi asked knowingly.

"Yeah."

"Foolish little brother. He still obviously needs to learn a lot," Itachi said. "It was just Hidan who put up that rule on himself. He's not really imposing it to anyone else."

Kakashi decided that it was wise not to mention to Itachi that _he _actually put his money on the older Uchiha lasting for two more weeks. "Right. So when are you two coming back?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Next month. I have to get the money you owe me from our bet regarding Sasuke."

Pause. There goes his money. "And you really have to bring that up."

"Hn."

"Fine," Kakashi said reluctantly. "I just owe you two thousand, right? But how about Hid– " There was a soft scuffle on the other side of the line. Kakashi blinked. "Hello? Are you all right there?"

"Yes. Hidan was just trying to escape."

"… huh?" Kakashi blinked. Then, he strained his ears to hear the familiar growling voice that wasn't Itachi's.

" – ing heathen, get me out of here! You knew! You fucking knew this would happen! Oh, when I get myself out of here, you two are going to be dead. I'm going to sacrifice your fucking souls and you will all burn in hell –"

"Um, what's Hidan's problem?"

"I tied him on a chair."

The manga almost slipped from Kakashi's grip. "What? Why the hell would you do that?"

"He wants to kill Sasuke right after he kills me. So I tied him up."

Kakashi opened his mouth. Then immediately closed them, his brain whirling. "Itachi," he said slowly, "how much exactly did Hidan wage on Sasuke?"

"Twenty thousand." Itachi said uninterestedly. Then, as an afterthought he absently added, "He was supposed to use that to put up his church."

" –ing bastard. He should have waited for a year more," Hidan's growled. "What was fucking wrong with one year more? Stupid asshole. I'm going to kill that heathen – _mnfmfn_!"

There was a soft scuffle again before complete silence. Then: "I stuffed a sock in his mouth," Itachi said blankly as a way of explanation.

"Ah," Kakashi said.. He raised an eyebrow. "You know, maybe you should explain to Hidan that you didn't have anything to do with Sasuke's confession. I know he was betting that your brother can last until college graduation, but really, the poor kid was already having a hard time controlling his hormones whenever Naruto was around."

"Hn."

"Of course, add that to the pressure of being a business management student, Sasuke was bound to crack. Especially since you took off and left him to handle the family's… business… " he trailed off. Kakashi blinked. And then again.

"Itachi," he said slowly, enunciating his next words very calmly, "you didn't join Hidan as a missionary knowing Sasuke would crack under too much pressure if you left, did you?"

Silence.

Kakashi's grip on the phone tightened. "Itachi?"

Another pause. "Of course not," Itachi said vaguely.

Kakashi closed his eyes briefly. He couldn't believe he just lost two thousand from his bank account to a scheming bastard who plotted against his own brother. Poor Sasuke. No, actually poor Hidan. There goes his church.

"So, we'll just be seeing you next month," Itachi said conversationally as Hidan's "Mnfmnf!" was still heard in the background.

"Fine," Kakashi said dryly.

"And please do tell my brother that I am very excited to see him soon."

"Hn. Whatever."

Half a mile away, on top of Kakashi's painted roof, Sasuke pulled back from Naruto just in time for him to give a little sneeze.

* * *

"What the – " Suigetsu stared at the contents of his open locker the next day at school. He blinked, oblivious, just as Sasuke and Naruto walked pass him on the hallway. "Where the hell did my tube of lubricant go?"

Sasuke's lips twitched into a smirk as he moved closer to a babbling Naruto and they continued to head towards their next class.

* * *

**THE END**

**A/N:** Cathydeff, you rock and this is my thank you for all the help you've given me. (Wag kang magsasawa at iwanan ako bigla, okay?) Much love.

Oh and yes, please don't forget to review, especially if you're going to put this in your fave/C2. Ack, my longest oneshot yet. /dies/ Reviews/comments/feedbacks would be so much loved. =)


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